I Was a Teenage Ed
by Dayn Martin
Summary: Double D finds himself in an extremely awkward position. Eddy thinks he can get out of it, if he just acts obnoxious enough. Double D isn't so sure. Ed? Ed likes Dalmatians.


_'Double D, did you hear what I said?'_

Edd stared down at the phone in silent panic, wanting very badly to put on an accent, and claim to be housekeeping. He couldn't, he realized, biting his lip. He'd already answered. Besides, it was dishonest.

_'Double D?'_ the voice said, switching from inquisitive to irritated._ 'Helloo? Did you hang up on me?'_

Slowly, he lifted the phone and pressed it to his ear. "Uh. Yes. I mean, no. I mean, yes I heard you, and no I didn't hang up."

_'Then why didn't you say anything, silly?' _Giggle.

_Giggling. _Oh, what had he done? Why had he answered? Why couldn't he have been in the rest room, or tripped down the stairs and broken both his legs. _Curse my luck_, Edd thought.

"I was…processing," he explained carefully.

_'You don't have to, if you don't want to, you know.'_

"It's not that I don't want to—"

_'Great! See you tomorrow.'_

"Sarah?" Edd said. He looked down at the phone, listening to the obnoxious flatline. "Sarah? Sarah!" Groaning, he set the phone back into the cradle, and fiddled nervously with his fingers. Beads of sweat started to pop up all over his forehead. He had a date. With Sarah. "What have I gotten myself into?"

* * *

"I'll cancel," he told himself on the way to Eddy's. "I'll just call back and cancel. Sarah will understand." For a brief moment, he almost fooled himself into believing that Sarah really would understand. "Oh, who am I kidding? She's going to kill me!"

When he reached Eddy's, he frantically knocked at the door, shaking like a leaf. _Get a hold of yourself, Eddward. This is what people do. They grow older and they go on dates. Then they get a job and get married, have kids, pay bills, go to family reunions and eat the last of the cereal_. "I'm only fifteen!" he cried out to no one, knocking even faster. "Eddy! Are you home? I really need your help right now!"

The door swung open, and there stood Eddy, leaning into the doorframe with a smirk. "You yelled?"

"I'm in trouble, Eddy. Big trouble." Not enough trouble to forget his manners. "May I come in?"

"What now, Sockhead?" He stepped to the side, allowing Edd to hurry in.

"Good heavens, this place is a mess!"

"I know!" Eddy agreed happily, putting an arm around his shoulder. "Isn't it great?"

Edd recoiled, both hands raised as if shielding himself from danger. "Is that your underwear?"

"Huh." Eddy squinted. "Guess it is. I was wondering where those went to."

"That's disgusting."

Eddy shrugged and walked over to the bed where a magazine and a half eaten box of candy were and sat down. He picked up the magazine and began to flip through it. "So what kind of trouble are we talking here? Did your mom find your porn stash?"

"No!" Edd shouted at him, face turning at least six different shades of red. "I don't even own—that sort of material. And anyway, it's worse, Eddy. Much worse!"

"Well, what is it?" Eddy asked, interest piqued. "Come on, spill!"

"Sarah asked me out on a date, and I said yes!" he blurted out, flustered by all Eddy's pestering.

"Sarah asked you out? And you said yes? Are you _nuts?_"

"I know, I know! I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry to me," Eddy said with a shrug, tossing the magazine over his shoulder. It smacked into a pile of clothes and started a mini avalanche. "Say it to her when you tell her you aren't going."

"Can I really do that?" Edd asked timidly. It didn't seem possible.

"Sure you can. Besides, guys are supposed to ask girls out; not the other way around."

"I'll have you know," Edd began, hands at his waist and nose turned up purposefully, "that that right there is nothing more than a gender stereotype. Anyone can ask anyone out."

"Whatever," Eddy said, rolling his eyes. "So what did Ed say?"

"Ed?"

"Yeah." Eddy looked at him strangely. "You can't date a guy's sister and not tell him."

All the color drained from Edd's face. He grabbed the sides of his hat in sheer panic, nearly toppling over. "I completely forgot about him! It never even occurred to me."

While Edd stood there hyperventilating, Eddy was already formulating a plan. He snapped his fingers suddenly, grinning mischievously. "I think I just found you a way out of this, Double D. Follow me."

* * *

The plan was simple enough. After they explained to Ed just what was going on, they would hide somewhere outside Sarah's room. Ed would go in and talk to her, and Eddy would instruct him on what to say.

"It's so easy, even a baby could do it," Eddy assured his friends.

Ed had taken the news far better than he'd expected. In fact, he didn't seem bothered at all. Still, Edd's mind was reeling. "I just want to be clear here, Ed; _she_ asked _me_. She's a perfectly nice girl and all, but—"

"It's ok, Double D," Ed said, patting him hard on the back. "Sarah is scary, and hard to say no to. Believe me. I know!"

"So you got everything?" Eddy asked impatiently.

"All systems are go," Ed replied.

"Good." Eddy reared his foot back and kicked Ed out into the hallway; he slammed into the wall, blinked a couple times, and then took off for Sarah's room.

"Are you sure this will work?" Edd asked, quietly following after Ed.

"It's got to," Eddy said confidently. "If it doesn't, and Sarah _doesn't_ take the hint, she's got a head full of bricks just like Ed."

When Ed reached Sarah's door, Edd and Eddy hung back, waiting for their plan to spring into action. Ed looked back for instructions. Eddy motioned for him to keep going.

"Sarah?" Ed pressed his ear up against her door, hand on the doorknob. "Sarah? Can I come in?"

No reply. Ed looked over his shoulder again, face etched with fear.

"Keep going," Eddy whispered, ushering him on with a wave of the hand. "Come on. Go!"

Ed opened the door and stood there, like a deer caught in the headlights, sweat pouring off him.

"Ed! What are you doing?" But Ed was too afraid to answer. He just bit his lip and fidgeted. "Ed, close the door!"

"Sarah! I got to talk to you."

"I SAID CLOSE THE DOOR!"

Eddy said, _'It's about Double D.'_

"But it's about Double D!"

"Oh," Sarah said sweetly. "What about him?"

"Uh. He is… uh."

_'He doesn't like you,'_ Eddy supplied, hand cupped around his mouth.

"He doesn't like you," Ed repeated blankly.

Edd flinched, as though he'd been physically struck. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her feelings. But her response was not what he was expecting.

"How would you know?" she prompted.

"Ummm."

_'Don't go out with him!'_

"...Don't go out with him!"

"I can go out with whoever I want!" She exclaimed angrily. "How'd you find out, anyway? Just stay out of my business, Ed."

"But Sarah," Ed explained, a concerned look on his face, "I'm only trying to look out for you. You're my baby sister."

"I'm gonna tell mom you won't stop bugging me!"

_'No, No!'_ Eddy rasped. _'Tell her Double D's already got a girlfriend!'_

"Double D already has a girlfriend."

_'No I don't!'_

"No I don't," Ed repeated, struggling to pick out just what to say. It was too hard with two back seat drivers and Sarah yelling at him! "I mean. Uhhh."

"ED! MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND CLOSE THE DOOR!"

That should have been it, but Sarah officially ended the conversation by throwing her a shoe directly at the side of Ed's head and slamming the door in his face. The shoe dug into his head and then fell onto the carpet with a plop. Ed looked helplessly at his friends. "I told you," he said.

"_Now_ what am I going to do?" Edd whined, arms wrapped about himself.

"I guess you're stuck," Eddy said, glancing between him and Ed. He scratched his head thoughtfully. "I don't get it. That should've worked."

Edd sighed and pulled himself up off the ground, brushing the front of his shirt off. "Gentlemen," he said quietly, "Thank you for trying, but I'm going to go home now and prepare."

Ed said, "Sorry, Double D," and shared a forlorn look with Eddy as he walked down the hall and out the front door, having to practically drag himself every step of the way.

* * *

Picture this: Double D waiting near the door, stomach sick and his hands slick with sweat. Eddy hadn't even let him wear what he usually wore; no, if he was going to do this, he was going to do it right. Double D was wearing an oversized yellow sweater with a thin blue across the front and two bolder lines going across each arm. He'd wanted to wear his usual pants, but after seeing how horrendously yellow and purple went together, he'd settled on a pair of jeans. At least he'd been allowed to keep his shoes and hat.

"Now remember," Eddy said to him, giving him some last minute advice, "don't pay for anything, don't pull her chair out, and whatever you do, don't tell her she looks nice. She'll be sick of you before the date's over! Oh, and here," he dug into his pocket and pulled out a bottle of cologne. Who kept cologne in their front pocket? Edd wondered. He tossed the bottle up in the air, and Edd scrambled to catch it. "Douse yourself with this."

It smelled terrible, and so he only pretended to. Eddy caught on and drenched the front of his shirt with it.

"Thank you, Eddy," he coughed out, shoving the bottle away. "Really. But I think this is quite enough. I can't even breathe."

"She won't be able to, either," he explained. "You can still get out of this, you know. Just tell her you lost your hat or something."

"I can't, Eddy. I said yes, and I shall uphold my word."

"Whatever. But don't say I didn't warn you."

Suddenly, a red blotch appeared on the side of Ed's face. He smiled at them and began to scratch it.

"Oh, fantastic. Looks like you're allergic, Ed."

"I am?" More scratching. "How can you tell, Double D?"

"You look like a Dalmatian, but with pink," Eddy informed him, inspecting the splotches from afar. "That's how."

"I like Dalmatians."

"You would," Eddy said without compassion. "Quit it, all that scratching is breaking my concentration."

"Please, Eddy, can't you see he's in pain?" Edd replied, gently taking Ed by the shoulder. "Come on, Ed, I'll get you something for those nasty splotches."

Eddy called after them, "Hurry it up! Girls hate it when you make them wait!...I mean, take as long as you need, boys!"

They were only gone a second. Two, tops. But there was a knock at the door, and Eddy had no choice but to open it. Sarah stood on the front step, lips pink, glittery, and smiling. Then she saw Eddy, and her expression melted into something dangerous. "What are you doing here?" she demanded. "And where's Double D?"

Eddy returned the unenthusiastic look and cracked the door open wide enough to let her in. "Relax, he's in back, I'll go get him."

"You better," she warned.

"Yeah, yeah," he said beneath his breath. He left her standing in the front of the house while he went to retrieve Double D. Light spilled out of the open bathroom and into the hallway. He followed it. "Hey, Double D, Sarah's here," he said flatly, peeking in on them. Ed had something pink smeared all over his face, and Edd was checking his reflection in the mirror.

"Already?" he glanced at his watch wildly. "Oh, dear. Eddy! How do I look? Should I change? I should probably change."

"You look fine. Jeez, relax, would ya? It's just Sarah."

"But Eddy, I've never courted a female before!"

"Courted?" Eddy said in disbelief. He took Edd by the shoulders and shook him. "It's one date. Get over yourself."

Edd made tiny noise like an injured animal, and looked over at Ed. "Are you absolutely positive that you're okay with this, Ed? Because if you aren't—"

"Sarah likes you, Double D," he said matter of factly.

"Hello?" Sarah called down the hall. "Is this some kind of joke? Eddy! Where are you!"

"Is she standing in my front room? Unsupervised?" Edd could have fainted then and there. "You just left her there? Eddy! What's wrong with you!" He ran to the front of the house as fast as his little legs would take him, nearly completely out of breath by the time he got there. "Sarah! Hello" —gasp— "How nice to" —gasp— "See you!"

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Uhh. Are you ok?"

He smiled, despite the stitch in his side. "Fine, why do you ask?" He took a second to look her over, and felt a little embarrassed at being overdressed. She wore her usual outfit, but her had her hair tied back into a high ponytail, and was wearing a pair of earrings. "You look nice," he said. Behind him, Eddy groaned and smacked himself in the forehead.

"What's that smell?"

"Okay kids, have a good time. We'll be waiting for ya, Double D." Eddy shoved Edd out the door and into Sarah's arms open arms.

"This way, Double D," she said with a dreamy sigh, pulling him onto the porch, and toward the walkway.

Edd looked over his shoulder one last time, only to see Eddy and Ed both waving. Then they were alone.

They walked hand in hand down the sidewalk; Sarah had brought a blanket and a picnic basket, and although the thought of eating so close to the grass and all its creepy crawly inhabitants frightened him, Sarah frightened him even more. He was surprised, though; she wasn't nearly as overbearing as he'd expected. Nice, even. Certainly more in control of herself than most days. When they'd walked high up to the top of a hill, she let go of his hand and set the blanket up. He stood by awkwardly, clutching the picnic basket while she did all the work. He had a feeling he should have offered, but before he even thought to, she was through.

"Ready," she said with a smile, hand extended. "Hand the basket over and come sit down, Double D."

"Umm. I'm fine here, thanks."

"Hehe. You can't talk to me from all the way over here."

"Really, I'm—"

"SIT. DOWN!"

"Don't hurt me!" he cried, holding the basket up as a shield. He rushed over and dropped to his knees beside her.

"Oh relax," Sarah said, taking it from him. Moments later, she thrust a plate into his hands.

He regarded the dish curiously, periodically examining the blanket for ants. It was quiet, but a nice kind of quiet. Not really something he'd ever expected from her.

"Here, have some cake."

"Inquiring minds want to know," Edd said fiddling with his fingers nervously, "why me?"

Sarah shrugged gently. "I don't know. You're nice. You're my brothers friend, and with all you've done for him, I know you're a good guy."

"All I've done for him?"

"Ed's nice, but he's not very smart." She moved some food around on her plate and shrugged again. "He's easy to talk into stuff. Sometimes I think Eddy goes too far, and I really wanna pound him, but then I remember you're there, and I don't get as mad. But some of the stuff you guys do—"

"It can get overwhelming," he replied with a fond laugh. "That's for sure. But we have fun."

"Ed really bugs me sometimes, but I'm glad he has a friend like you. Y'know...I've kind of had a crush on you for a while."

"Really? But what about Jimmy?"

"Jimmy's my best friend, but that's it."

They talked for several hours; Edd even eventually stopped looking for trespassing ants. Sarah wasn't into science or math like he was, but she had a vivid imagination, and he liked listening to her stories. She revealed to him where she had been during many of their schemes and scams; it surprised him to know how she kept an eye on Ed for being so young. She liked animals and fixing things; she wanted to be a vet. He'd always wanted a pet, but Mother and Father hadn't allowed it.

"That was when I got Jim," he explained to her.

"Jim?"

"My pet cactus."

She said in her usual, blunt manner, "that's pretty weird."

"I suppose it is."

"But kind of cool," she added, an enthused grin on her face. She looked into his eyes for a long while, and he looked back, caught up in the slow, comfortable pace of their talk. "And you _are_ a friend of my brothers...Hey Double D?"

"Yes?"

"Can I kiss you?" He must have looked like he'd eaten bad seafood or something, because Sarah was looking at him worriedly, hand firmly gripping his forearm. It was way too hot. Darn Eddy. He shouldn't have worn the wretched sweater. "Are you ok?"

He blinked long and hard, forced himself to say, "Fine. Fine. Ahem."

"So...can I?"

Was he really about to have his first kiss? But his lips were numb! "I-Iiii... suppose."

It was over before he knew it. Just a quick, soft peck on the cheek; not at all what he was expecting. Still, it made his insides feel strange and wonderful at the same time. He felt his muscles relax, and smiled coyly. Sarah laughed. He looked over, only to find her standing and gathering the dishes and leftover food, and then he was walking her to her door and saying goodnight. All in all, not too bad. And that was his first date ever. According to Eddy the next day, it was the most boring, gross thing he'd ever heard.

"Face it, Double D. You guys just aren't compatible. 'Least it's over. But listen, when you dump her, be nice about it. I don't want her trying to rip_ my_ head off."

Edd just smiled and pretended to listen. "Sure, Eddy," he told him. What he didn't tell him was that he had another date with her in a couple days. He decided what Eddy didn't know wouldn't bother him.

* * *

_Still there? *Big grin* What can I say? I like trying to make strange couples work. Terrible? Tolerable? Turn your computer off and throw it out the window? Let me know how I did. Also, I have no idea how much younger than Double D Sarah actually is, so if she's grossly underage, just pretend she's closer to his.  
_


End file.
